Howard: I'm just trying to keep my energies up here. What we have here, Robin, are The Cowsills.
Robin: What we have here is a reunion !
Howard: Now Mother Cowsill isn't here. We should inform people that -
Bob: She's tapping her feet upstairs.
Susan: Mother Cowsill is with Roy. She's on a date with Roy
John: She's in heaven.
Robin: She's here in spirit.
Howard: She's on a date with who? Roy Rogers?
Susan: No, Roy Orbison. No is he? Did he die too?
Howard: Oh Roy Rogers is still alive.
Robin: It's Trigger that's gone.
Howard: Oh she's on a date with Trigger. She's a happy woman.
Paul: ??? about that cuz as you know Trigger is stuff and we also stuffed Mom and we carry her with us.
Howard: I got to tell you something. About an hour ago, as early as an hour ago, I wanted to strangle each Cowsill. Now I'm going to tell you what happen because I'm not one to lie.
Robin: OK Let's lay out our dirty laundry.
Howard: I felt that, look, let's be honest, The Cowsills haven't been heard from, in what 20 years? I mean, am I insulting anyone to say The Cowsills haven't been at the height of the recording.
Susan: Our reality is quite in place.
Howard: On the radio, a couple years ago, it would be funny if we got The Cowsills back together and find out what happen to them and expose them to the NY market again and see if we can't get something going, right. I thought that was nice of me. Now all I asked in return was when they appeared here, they've done Hair. That was their big hit, Hair Hair It's not like they wrote the song Hair or something, Robin.
John: No we did not.
Howard: Excuse me. I'm talking !!! It's not like they wrote - I want to strangle one of you.
Cowsills: Him Him Me Me
John: I'd love you to put your hands around my neck.
Howard: Alright. I said to the Cowsills, instead of singing the song Hair, let's sing a song parody about Iraq.
Robin: We were all upset about the Iraq situation.
John: That must be the writers over there.
Howard: But we wrote the song for them. We thought it was good. Then they called back and said, "Gee we read it, there's too much killing in it. It's about killing." I'm saying, "Listen, you're actors now. It's not saying YOU"RE advocating killing. We wrote the lyrics. I'm willing to take credit for the lyrics." When Kathleen Turner plays a role….
Robin: And she play a murderer, you don't actually ...
Susan: We're musicians Howard. We're musicians.
Susan: We're artists, man.
Howard: You're not artists.
Susan: We're old hippies. We only believe in love and the celebration of life.
John: We're gospel singers.
Howard: Alright, I'll tell you what, you do Hair and then I'll let you do one of your boring new songs.
Bob: We're going to do a boring new song and then we'll do Hair.
Cowsills: Yeah !!!
Bob: (singing to Shine) I get up every morning looking forward to the day when I could get on the Howard Stern show. I get the feeling you can read about Robin's sitting on the other side. (continues singing Shine)
Howard: Now who wrote that Mom?
Susan: We've been doing that ghost writing stuff. She just comes through me and I write.
John: Mom is a dead ???????
Howard: I see another 20 year break coming. I'm sorry. I can't stop thinking the song parody. Do me a favor and take us out to some of that Hair.
Susan: I just have to say one thing. You are the guy who got us back together
Howard: We got to go.
Cowsills: No No No No No
Howard: (singing to Hair) Give me a dead Iraqy, a short stiff Iraqy, Crying, Screaming, Bleeding, Dead Iraqy --- OK come on guys do Hair. On the way out, we're going to do some Hair.
Paul: But we're going to do it for everybody
Cowsills: We love you Howard Oh yes we do When you're not with us ....